why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
