They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
