just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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