i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize