We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
