this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
