A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
