Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Please, let me fuck your mom
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
