On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
