just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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