Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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