At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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