Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
