i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
