God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
