You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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