I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
