is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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