i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
