I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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