so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
