If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
