There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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