Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
