somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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