so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
