i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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