i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
