I hate all girls vehemently.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
