I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
