Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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