STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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