Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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