Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
