why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
