This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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