Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
