Need sex. Gaining weight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
