This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
