Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
