pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
