chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
