So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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