Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
