Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
