Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
