I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
