So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
