i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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