well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
bring money and cleavage
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
