My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
