love makes seman taste better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
