Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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