We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
