Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
