Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
