I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
