I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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