After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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