I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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