stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
