how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
