at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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