I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize