If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize