Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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