I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
