I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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